Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
