Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
