Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
