i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
