He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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