quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize