She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
