wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
