i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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