Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
