I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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