I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
