My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We are all done wearing pants today
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
