i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
