i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize