Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My feet surprised me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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