you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
