Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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