Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
