4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
