so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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