i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
