does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
