Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
