i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
