There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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