i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
