The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize