Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
