I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
