I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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