It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
