Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
