What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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