And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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