Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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