SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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