I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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