I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
