Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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