Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize