I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
