I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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