It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You can't motorboat a personality
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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