he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
