it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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