i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
