I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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