You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize