Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
