watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
