the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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