my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
