I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
