My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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