we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
