So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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