Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
