You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
