yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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