woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
