I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have feelings that need drinking.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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