i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
