Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
