we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
