i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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