update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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