you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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