He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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