I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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