I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
