oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize