He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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