Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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